Some of you may have noticed the "anonymous" comments on my last blog. Let's just say they all three came from 'someone from my past' who doesn't like me to be happy. I considered deleting them, but- honestly, I think it reflects more on that person that it does on me.
Because here's what I know. I'd done a lot of reading on controlling and emotionally abusive relationships in the past year. I know the M.O. They try to bring break you down. They try to control every action and emotion you have. They go to great lengths to bring you down publicly. And MOST of all, they can't stand for you to exert any Independence and being happy and moving on, strikes them to the core. The VERY first hit on Google for "controlling relationships" says: they have a mean streak (often physically breaking things), they put you down, they try to embarass you publicly, and the cycle through mean and nice streaks. Guess what- 100%.
I don't have to hide from those insults anymore- I don't have to delete them. I know the truth. I know what I did for my family and why. And the people that know me, know that too. I'm a good mother. I love my children fiercely and I make sure they know it. I keep them safe and I provide for them. I teach them about faith, kindness and patience. I give them a wide variety of opportunities & activities. And another thing I do, a KEY thing I do, is encourage them to love both parents. I take them out of the mix of past conflicts and let them be kids and promote a healthy relationship with both parents. Because I think it's the right thing to do- regardless of the emotions I have about the situation. They are happy and healthy. They excel academically and they have a big family that loves them.
It's true, that the biggest casualty of divorce is losing some time with them. I am blessed to have primary custody and that gives me a lot of peace, knowing that the bulk of their influence comes from me- and they are doing great in the situation! And because of the weekend visitation schedules, etc- that means that yes, there are times that I have a weekend to do adult things. I could sit at home and cry and miss them and wonder what they are doing (and Lord knows I have done that!) Or, I can be strong and take care of myself. I can give them a great gift- a mother who is happy and balanced and refreshed every time I get them back on a Sunday night.
I've made the choices I've made and I stand behind them. I have two beautiful daughters and if I can SHOW them a happy, healthy relationship- if I can encourage them to demand on having the very best in a partner for themselves someday- then I am doing my job.